Tag Archives: Conferences

1st Non-Monogamies Conference Lisbon-Portugal

Poly [etc!] in Portugal! 9/25-27/15 CfC deadline extended

NMCI Conference, Portugal, 9/25-27/15

Hey poly/open/non-mono researchers, activists, artists, and presenters! Are you in or near Europe — or would like to at least BE in Europe in September? This great conference is happening September 25-27 in Lisbon, Portugal. The Call for Contributions deadline has been EXTENDED to May 31!

Get your submissions in now to be part of the FIRST EVER Conference on Non-Monogamies and Contemporary Intimacies! https://nmciconference.wordpress.com/

 

Just want to attend the conference, without being a presenter? That’s possible too. Find out more about fees and registration here: https://nmciconference.wordpress.com/registration/

 

More Poly/Open/Non-Mono Conferences

Want to know about other upcoming conferences?  Check out Alan M’s great list of Poly Events, worldwide: http://polyevents.blogspot.com/

No matter who or how many you love, Love is ALWAYS ok!

~♥ Dawn

DawnInCellPhone

Contact me and we’ll set up a time to do a FREE consultation! I’m excited to help you create your own best life and love/s!

PS: Get ready for the conference with fun T-shirts and other products from my LoveOTB Zazzle store!

 

 

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©2015, Dawn M. Davidson

Rocky Mountain Poly Living

Join me in Colorado! RM Poly Living May 8-10, 2015

I’m so excited to invite you to join me next weekend, May 8 – 10, in Colorado at Rocky Mountain Poly Living. We’ll convene at the Ramada Plaza Hotel in North Denver for a fabulous weekend of fun, networking, education, and socializing!

CunningMinxPolyamory Weekly Podcast legend Cunning Minx will be giving the keynote speech on Friday, followed by a fun Bohemian Nights Dance (both are included with your full weekend registration.) Continue reading

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Got Jealousy? Join Me at Conferences & Workshops!

Happy Valentine’s Day (almost)!  I’ll be presenting 4 times in the SF Bay Area this coming week. Perhaps you can join me at one or more events? It’s not too late!  List up front; longer descriptions below:

Continue reading

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Meeting Open-Hearted People at Conferences

5 Ways to Meet Open-Hearted People — Part 1: Conferences

As I mentioned in yesterday’s introduction, in this series, I’m going to discuss 5 different ways you can learn more about “outside the box” relationships, and/or meet other people who are interested in the same things … and might even want to date you! To recap, the 5 ways I’ll discuss are:

1) Conferences — one-time, occasional, or periodic gatherings

2) Ongoing Local Meetings — discussion groups, potlucks, dinners, game nights and more

3) Primarily on-line discussion groups — e.g., Facebook groups, Yahoo! Groups, Google Groups, Meetup, e-mail lists

4) Dating and Social Sites — e.g., Polymatchmaker, OK Cupid, Ko-Tango

5) Crossover Interests — e.g., tantra, swinging, naturists, kink/BDSM

Meeting Open-Hearted People at Conferences

Conferences are a popular place to meet polyamorous, open, or otherwise open-hearted people.  There are conferences in many parts of the world, and for many flavors and subgroups of the open-hearted culture.  From Open-Cons in the UK and Spain, to hotel conferences in Atlanta and Philadelphia, to clothing-optional retreats in California and New York, the wide variety of conferences available offer the opportunity to connect with like-minded people at all times of the year, and in many parts of the world.

Conferences offer a number of positive benefits for meeting others,  including:

Continue reading

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5 Ways to Meet Open-Hearted People

Ever wonder how to meet other polyamorous, open, or ethically non-monogamous people?  Feel like you must be the only “weirdo” in the country?  Wish there were a way to connect with people in person… or conversely do you wish there were a way to find out more about this “new” lifestyle without leaving your living room?  Well, congratulations, you’re in luck!

As a person with access to the Internet (which you must be if you’re reading these words), you have access to some of the most powerful tools there are to connect with other people, and learn about this collection of lifestyles that can loosely be grouped under the heading of “ethical non-monogamy,” “open-relationships,” and/or “polyamory.” (Not sure what these words mean? Check out this past article on my blog, where I discuss some of the differences, and what it means — in MY opinion, anyway! — to be “polyamorous.“) The Internet has had a truly profound effect on our culture, as it has allowed a way for people to fairly easily locate other people of like-mind.

5 Ways to Meet Polyamorous/Open People

In this series, I’m going to discuss 5 different ways you can learn more about these sorts of relationships, and/or meet other people who are interested in the same things … and might even want to date you!

1) Conferences — one-time, occasional, or periodic gatherings
[BONUS! Scroll down to the bottom of this post for info on the upcoming Atlanta Poly Weekend Conference] Continue reading

HuffPoLive

Polyamory on Huffpost Live TODAY at 1pmPacific

HuffPoLive Hey folks!  A quick and last-minute heads-up, that there will be a polyamory segment on Huffpost Live‘s “Hump Day” at 1pm Pacific/4pm Eastern TODAY, Wed. 2/26/14. [Here’s the link to the recorded segment.]  Loving More‘s Robyn Trask is one of those scheduled to appear.  (They contacted me, but I didn’t see the note till this morning, so I won’t be joining them this time.  See here for a link to the segment I appeared on in December.) At this past weekend’s International Academic Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Non-Monogamy, and especially during the special day on political issues, there was much discussion about the increase in media coverage over the past 5-8 years, and the implications that this might have for polyamorous and other sorts of non-monogamous people.  As Jim Fleckenstein of NCSF (National Coalition for Sexual Freedom) said in the title of his presentation, “Okay, Polyamory’s Been Outed!  NOW What Do We Do?” — referring mostly to the media frenzy around the change in the Same Sex marriage landscape, and the many “slippery slope” predictions. And as always, you can keep tabs on what’s happening in poly media by checking out Alan M’s Poly In the News. He’s got a great archive going back to at least 2005, with lots of insightful commentary and discussion. It’s great to realize that the world is finally starting to catch up with the notion that no matter who or how many you love… Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  If you’re looking for help with your own polyamorous or other “outside the box” relationship, I do phone or Skype sessions, as well as in-person in the SF  Bay Area. Get more info here!kiss I’ve also updated my KISSable Agreements Workbook, and the updated version is now available from my website for only $10 for the pdf .  I’ve got a few physical copies on hand as well, for $15 (not including shipping, if you need that).

 

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ [© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]

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Join me at 2 upcoming conferences!

Happy almost-Valentine’s Day! I have good news for folks who will be in the SF Bay Area over the next two weekends:  There are two upcoming conferences at which I’ll be appearing, and at which I’d love to meet up with you! PantheaCon2014 Cover

First up is Pantheacon, an awesome gathering of thousands of people from all over the world. Filled with all sorts of Pagans and people interested in and/or practicing various forms of “alternative” spiritualities, this conference every year over the Presidents’ Day weekend offers a dazzling array of concerts, workshops, dealer’s room, rituals, classes, books, costumes, and much, much more. I’ll be co-teaching a class with Francesca Gentille (on the topic of creating your own best relationship model), at 2pm Sunday 2/16, in the Church of All Worlds hospitality suite on the 2nd floor of the Double Tree Hotel in San Jose.  If you’re of a mind to join us for a day or a weekend, check out the link here: http://pantheacon.com/wordpress/ I’d love to see you there!

Next up is the 3rd International Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Non-monogamy, to be held this year February 21-23 in Berkeley, California. With multiple tracks including Academic, Clinical, Art & Folklore, and Public Education, this conference has something to offer almost everyone interested in polyamory, open relationships, and other related topics.  Kathy Labriola (my co-presenter for the Jealousy teleseminars last fall) will also be there. I’m scheduled in the Public Education Track on Saturday, and I’d love to see you there! Click here to find out more and/or buy tickets: https://sites.google.com/site/ipachome/

Whether or not we get to see each other in person soon, I wish you all the best for this Valentine’s Day season of love.

And remember:  No matter who or how many you love, Love is always OK!

~♥ Dawn

PS:  I’m still running my “winter specials” — reduced prices on coaching packages.  I’d love to help you and your loves have relationships that are sizzling hot, and truly fulfilling!  Call me or email to set up a time for your free 30 minute consultation. :)

love_outside_the_box_white_on_dark_t_shirts-r734308d7aa2c48a6a7a731d0498738ca_8nfnu_216PPS:  Need something for your Valentine(s)?  You might want to check out my Zazzle Store: (zazzle.com/LoveOutsideTheBox*). I’ve got lots of items for sale, including things with my logo (some are customizable!), and also stuff with the poly “pi flag” design, or other nifty things. Or just shop Zazzle through my link, and find awesome stuff for everyone you love!

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2014 Dawn M. Davidson]

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Reasons 1&2 of the Five Reasons Agreements Fail

Two stylized hands clasping, forming a heart. Copyright-free symbol designed by Ravi Poovaiah, Professor, IDC, IIT Bombay.This entry in my Agreements Workbook Series (aka “KISSable Agreements) series, comprises Reasons 1 & 2 of the Five Reasons (Most) Agreements Fail.  Do you sometimes forget your Agreements?  Or miss something that, in hindsight, seems like it should have been obvious?  If so, you’re not alone. Read more below, including some suggestions for what to do when these things happen to you.

Questions or comments?  As always, feel free to comment below, contact me here, or on my Facebook Page, Love Outside The Box!

~♥ Dawn

PS: Don’t forget to meet me at the  Academic Poly Conference in Berkeley, CA, this weekend (February 15-17)! I’ll be presenting on Agreements on Saturday afternoon.

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The Five Reasons (Most) Agreements Fail

So here you are.  You’ve worked through all of that stuff above, you’ve identified everyone’s needs, you’ve checked the caveats and assumptions, and you’ve made an Agreement. That’s great! Having an agreement is a good thing. Unfortunately, the sad truth is:  Nobody’s perfect! At some point your Agreement will likely fail. This in and of itself is not necessarily a bad or tragic thing.  It just is. Agreements are iterative, which means that it is normal to engage in “trial and refinement” a few times before you get it right. Often, all that needs to happen is a slight adjustment, a little re-negotiation, and you’re back in business. The good news is that — so long as everyone is being an adult, and negotiating in good faith — there are only five main reasons that things don’t go right.  Here’s what they are, and some ideas of what to do in each case.

1) Simply Forgetting

Especially when we’re learning new behaviors, we human beings have a tendency to forget things. For some folks this is more true than others, but even for people who have good memories, it can take a while to get used to something new.  In general, if someone forgets an Agreement once or twice, it’s no big deal.  If, however, this “forgetting” turns into a pattern, then it’s more likely to be a symptom of something deeper, perhaps one of the other Five Reasons.

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Even enlightened bonobos sometimes forget their Agreements!

What to do?

Practice compassion and forgiveness. Remember that no one is perfect (including yourself.)  If this is not the first time that this particular Agreement has been forgotten, then consider looking deeper into the other Five Reasons, or the Caveats and Assumptions. Is there something else going on?  Consider re-writing or clarifying the Agreement, or brainstorm ways to support memory (e.g., do you need a reminder card? A shareable website? To write your Agreements in Limerick form?) Check the Learning and Memory section of the References/Resources for a few suggestions on where to start learning more about memory and learning (e.g., http://www.brainrules.net/the-rules)

2) Missed Contingency

A “missed contingency” means that something came up that should have been covered by the agreement, but wasn’t. Maybe you didn’t foresee this particular set of circumstances, or didn’t anticipate the particular outcome.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making
other plans.”

John Lennon, in “Beautiful Boy
(Darling Boy),” released 1980

What to do?

Revisit the Agreement.  Decide whether you need to add something specific to it, or change the wording. Remember, though, that you still need KISSable Agreements, so don’t make things more complex than necessary!

[Continues with Reason 3…]

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[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

Note that these entries are all rough drafts, and thus are probably missing things like references. If you know the perfect reference to add, feel free to suggest it! I always like to add to my resource collection.

[Next Entry: Reasons 3, 4, & 5 of the 5 Reasons Agreements Fail]

[Previous Entry: Cultural Clashes and Other Caveats to Agreements (3 of 3 on Caveats and Assumptions)]

[Return to the Table of Contents for the Agreements Workbook Series]

[Return to the first text entry in the Agreements Workbook series]

 

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Click here to get personalized help with your own Agreements!

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Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend

Self-love As a Path to Loving More

The Self-Love Tree poster, by Christine Arylo

From Christine Arylo’s Madly in Love with ME

Happy Self-Love Day!

My friend Christine Arylo, author of Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure of Becoming Your Own Best Friend, has declared Feb. 13 to be the International Day of Self-Love. You can read more about it, and download her free Self-Love Kit here.

In her self-love kit, she challenges each of us to choose a branch of the self-love tree, and focus on that for the next year.  They’re all good categories, so it’s hard to choose!

  • Self Acceptance
  • Self Care
  • Self Compassion & Forgiveness
  • Self Empowerment
  • Self Esteem
  • Self Expression
  • Self Honor & Self Respect
  • Self Pleasure
  • Self Trust
  • Self Worth
  • Self-Awareness & Self Honesty

For me personally, I’m constantly in need of extra work on Self-Compassion and Self-Forgiveness (I’m going to commit to forgiving myself for needing to work on forgiving myself more! *chuckle*.)  And she’s spot on when she lists “self-worth” as the root of the whole tree.

In terms of the title of this post, however, I’m going to go out on a limb (ha ha!) and say that for the purposes of loving yourself as part of loving more (whether that’s through polyamory or any other “outside the box” path), that Self-Awareness and Self-Honesty are key. If you don’t know yourself, and understand your own needs, it’s hard for you to truly understand the needs of another.  And of course honesty is a crucial cornerstone of any polyamorous relationship… and honesty with others begins with honesty with yourself.

Being honest here, I’m behind in posting this message, and so many of you will not see it till tomorrow. That’s ok. (See how I forgave myself there? ;)) You can still check out her book on Amazon, download the free kit, and get a lot of good out of working on loving yourself, whether that’s today, tomorrow, or at any point during the year. And tomorrow, you can share it all with those you love…  whether that’s one other, many others …  or just you. After all, don’t you deserve to give yourself a Valentine’s Day gift, too? 😉

With much LOVE to all,

~♥ Dawn

PS:  It’s still not too late to take advantage of my Valentine’s coaching specials! I’m happy to help you in whatever way you need, in your path to loving more, whether that’s through guided visualizations to support your self-love, or by helping you craft personalized Agreements with others.  Let me know how I can help YOU create your own best life and loves!

PPS: See you at the  Academic Poly Conference in Berkeley, CA, this weekend (February 15-17)? I’ll be there!

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

 

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Agreements: Good Faith Efforts

Two stylized hands clasping, forming a heart. Copyright-free symbol designed by Ravi Poovaiah, Professor, IDC, IIT Bombay.This entry in my Agreements Workbook Series (aka “KISSable Agreements) series, is the second of three discussing some Caveats and Assumptions in making Agreements. Read more below about Good Faith Efforts and why they’re so important in making mutual Agreements.

And remember, I’ll be giving a short presentation on the topic of Agreements at the upcoming Academic Poly Conference in Berkeley, CA, this weekend (February 15-17). My presentation is currently scheduled for mid-afternoon on Saturday in the parallel non-academic track. (You can still register here!)

Questions or comments?  As always, feel free to comment below, contact me here, or on my FB Page, Love Outside The Box!

~♥ Dawn

LoveOTB_DkPurp_72px_ClipPS:  It’s not too late to take advantage of my Valentine’s coaching specials! Want to know more? You can find out what other people have to say about my work here. :)

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Caveats and Assumptions (Part 2 of 3)

Good Faith Efforts Are Necessary

Back in Tip #2 (Clear Standards and Consequences), we talked about respect, and a little about negotiating in “good faith.”  What does that mean?  It means that for Agreements to work, all parties must be respecting themselves and each other, and being honest with themselves and each other (and by extension, the world.)  Yes, “stuff happens,” and Agreements aren’t always able to be kept. However, if one or more parties enter into the Agreement in “bad faith,” i.e., never intending that it be kept, or knowingly choosing a path that will hurt the other/s, then the Agreement was untenable from the first. No amount of writing and re-writing Agreements will ever produce one that will work for everyone.

“In contract law, the implied covenant of good faith is a general presumption that the parties to a contract will deal with each other honestly, fairly, and in good faith, so as to not destroy the right of the other party or parties to receive the benefits of the contract.

Wikipedia article on “Good Faith (law),” Feb. 11, 2013 (emphasis added)

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Conversely, it’s generally important to assume good faith, in absence of evidence to the contrary. Suspicion breeds mistrust, and that generally leads to a downward spiral. This is because mistrust is usually met with defensiveness, which most people interpret (rightly or wrongly) as slightly hostile, which leads to more defensiveness and hostility, ad nauseum. Starting from a place of neutrality, or if possible, assuming good faith, will lead to the most positive benefits to be gained from the situation.

How can you tell if someone is negotiating in good faith?  One way that serves me well, is neatly encapsulated here by my friend (and curator of the Polyamory Archive Collection at the Kinsey Institute):

 “Listen Carefully to What People Do”  —Ken Haslam

In other words, in single dealings, it can be hard to tell, but in multiple encounters, a pattern of behavior will probably emerge.  Ultimately the most important thing, in my opinion, is that all parties are honest with themselves and each other. With that in place, the rest can be dealt with over time.

[Up next in the Agreements Workbook series: The 3rd of 3 entries on Caveats and Assumptions.]

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

[© 2013 Dawn M. Davidson]

Note that these entries are all rough drafts, and thus are probably missing things like references. If you know the perfect reference to add, feel free to suggest it! I always like to add to my resource collection.

 

[Next Entry: Culture Clash and Other Caveats to Agreements (3 of 3 on Caveats and Assumptions)]

[Related Entry: Is It Over? (Agreements Appendix C) ]

[Previous Entry: When Agreements Fail: Competency (1 of 3 on Caveats and Assumptions)]

[Return to the Table of Contents for the Agreements Workbook Series]

[Return to the first text entry in the Agreements Workbook series]

 

∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥ ∞ ♥

Click here to get personalized help with your own Agreements!

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